Get your kids to control their tantrums with these ideas

Every child (indeed every parent) experiences anger once in a while. Learning to manage it – without it managing you – is key in learning to express anger without throwing a tantrum or becoming violent and destructive. Here are some suggestions on how your children can get a handle on their anger. Work these ideas with your children and you just might find your own anger calming down more quickly as well. • Use words. Encourage even your youngest child to express in words what her feelings are. If she won’t talk, ask her to write it out. She can then choose whether or not she wants to share those words with you. Don’t push if she doesn’t want to; be supportive and she will eventually trust you enough with her feelings. Another trick: write a letter to the person or persons your child is mad at without sending it. Too often people write letters in a rage and send them off without taking time to reread it. This kind of reactive letter can open the door to even more problems. Persuade your child to sit on her words for a few days; if she still wants to send a letter at that point, help her compose one. • Use crayons. My own mother would have me draw a picture when I didn’t have the words (or didn’t want to say the words) to explain my feelings. The act of drawing (or writing, as in the above example) will help release and dissipate negative emotions. • Use your larynx: Also known as the “voice box.” Ask your child to reach down deeply and give a good, hearty scream. Make sure the windows are closed and a pillow is over your ears! • Use feet: Stomping around the house or the yard is a not only great fun, but does the job, especially for little ones. A jog around the park will have the same effect on older children • Use hands: But use them constructively, not destructively. Pound on a pillow, the mattress or the rug. Getting anger out this way vs. hitting a person hurts no one, yet releases frustration your child may be experiencing. • Use your whole body: Get outside and play a physical game that involves running around, such as soccer, tennis, baseball, bicycle riding or volleyball. Get the endorphins working to clear up the mood. • Use eyes: Get to a library and get a few books that illustrate how an angry hero overcame his anger in a constructive way. Your child’s reference librarian (or school librarian) will be able to direct you to some good titles. • Use water: Drink some warm water or bathe in it. Water has a remarkable calming effect on us; add lemon and some honey to your drinking water. Water is our natural element: we are made of about 60 percent H2O. PARENTING TIP FROM THE TRENCHES • As I said, everyone experiences anger once in awhile. But it’s the child who blows up frequently or goes over-the-top at petty incidents that will require professional advice. Seek a psychotherapist who has a proven track record with a child of your age.

Art projects help children be expressive

Encourage your little ones to have fun and express their uniqueness through artful experimentation.

ART RULES!

• Well, actually, there should be no rules when it comes to your child’s art. Were you taught as a child that art had to look a certain way? Get that notion out of your head – and don’t put it into the heads of your own children. If the artist (and his audience) like the art, then, indeed, it’s good art.
• … But that doesn’t mean there aren’t techniques. There’s a difference between creating art without “rules” (i.e.: having to color inside the lines) vs. learning techniques that make art more fun and expressive (such as the proper way to hold a paint brush, or what happens when you sprinkle salt over a wet watercolor painting to see the effect it has on the paint). Art is about solutions – and opening up to different ways to interpret what’s before us. Art teaches your child to grow on many levels.
• Art can help your shy child overcome feeling timid. Most beginning young artists limit drawings to small areas on big pieces of paper. Encourage your child to use the whole paper. It will empower her. Also encourage her to use art materials in different ways than she has been taught. What happens if you melt crayons together (with a parent’s help) and then put the melted concoction between two pieces of waxed paper? While your child may not grow up to be the next Picasso, he may use these lessons to help him become more confident.
• Art should be a part of your child’s education: One reason is that art employs fine motor skills which help your young child’s brain grow neurons and synapses, the pathways to learning. Another reason is that art will teach your child an appreciation for the beauty around him. Scrutinizing one’s own surroundings to find the beauty in them will open your child’s eyes to new things.

• Don’t critique your child’s attempts at art. Instead, when he proudly shows you his not-too-perfect effort by offering, ask him to tell you about his picture. Encourage your child to keep at art, just as you would his efforts to learn to read.

TIP FROM THE PARENTING TRENCHES

• Your children are never too young for a trip to an art gallery or museum. Get close-up to a painting to talk about the blending of colors or kind of brush strokes used. Point out a technique one sculptor uses vs. another. Are there any books about the artists aimed at children? Remember that most young children’s attention span is limited, so keep your little artist’s visit fresh by taking breaks complete with snacks.