Get your kids to control their tantrums with these ideas

Every child (indeed every parent) experiences anger once in a while. Learning to manage it – without it managing you – is key in learning to express anger without throwing a tantrum or becoming violent and destructive. Here are some suggestions on how your children can get a handle on their anger. Work these ideas with your children and you just might find your own anger calming down more quickly as well. • Use words. Encourage even your youngest child to express in words what her feelings are. If she won’t talk, ask her to write it out. She can then choose whether or not she wants to share those words with you. Don’t push if she doesn’t want to; be supportive and she will eventually trust you enough with her feelings. Another trick: write a letter to the person or persons your child is mad at without sending it. Too often people write letters in a rage and send them off without taking time to reread it. This kind of reactive letter can open the door to even more problems. Persuade your child to sit on her words for a few days; if she still wants to send a letter at that point, help her compose one. • Use crayons. My own mother would have me draw a picture when I didn’t have the words (or didn’t want to say the words) to explain my feelings. The act of drawing (or writing, as in the above example) will help release and dissipate negative emotions. • Use your larynx: Also known as the “voice box.” Ask your child to reach down deeply and give a good, hearty scream. Make sure the windows are closed and a pillow is over your ears! • Use feet: Stomping around the house or the yard is a not only great fun, but does the job, especially for little ones. A jog around the park will have the same effect on older children • Use hands: But use them constructively, not destructively. Pound on a pillow, the mattress or the rug. Getting anger out this way vs. hitting a person hurts no one, yet releases frustration your child may be experiencing. • Use your whole body: Get outside and play a physical game that involves running around, such as soccer, tennis, baseball, bicycle riding or volleyball. Get the endorphins working to clear up the mood. • Use eyes: Get to a library and get a few books that illustrate how an angry hero overcame his anger in a constructive way. Your child’s reference librarian (or school librarian) will be able to direct you to some good titles. • Use water: Drink some warm water or bathe in it. Water has a remarkable calming effect on us; add lemon and some honey to your drinking water. Water is our natural element: we are made of about 60 percent H2O. PARENTING TIP FROM THE TRENCHES • As I said, everyone experiences anger once in awhile. But it’s the child who blows up frequently or goes over-the-top at petty incidents that will require professional advice. Seek a psychotherapist who has a proven track record with a child of your age.